


secret little love song

by toxic_positivity



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Breakup, Cheating, Established Relationship, Feelings Realization, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lee Felix is a sweetheart, Love, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Seo Changbin-centric, Soft Bang Chan, at the end, changbin wears chans hoodie at the end uwu, hes so sweet, jisung is sneaky, kind of, wtf why isnt that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29184879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic_positivity/pseuds/toxic_positivity
Summary: changbin and felix have been together for just over six months, during this time changbin realises he's slowly fallen for another.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	secret little love song

**Author's Note:**

> title from secret little long song by little mix!
> 
> hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think! 🥺💞

changbin waved to the camera, smiling with his eyes as the seven boys around him made a wide variety of gestures. felix had his arm slung sweetly around changbin's shoulder, his smile was bright as he joined in the shared conversation that the boys around them were having.

it was nice, having a boyfriend like felix. felix wasn't someone you could just stop loving, his heart had so much love to give and changbin felt it with every bone in his body. countless nights spent in the comfort of each others arms, whispering about the feelings they shared.

so why did changbin feel so different now?

it was the boy sitting across the row from him, the boy who changbin just couldn't take his eyes off of. deep down, he knew that chan was the reason. could he ever admit that? no, never. to him, his feelings meant nothing as long as felix was happy. 

the elder couldn't do that to felix, seeing the boy shine so brightly and confess his love so deeply to changbin every time he had the chance; it would break his heart. it would break them both.

"binnie-hyung, are you listening to me?" felix sung in his ear, pulling his boyfriend closer and his small mouth forming a cute pout.

changbin pulled his eyes away from the red head quickly, "sorry, what did you say?"

"yah!" he hit his arm lightly, a playful grin pulling across his mouth. "i said, stays wanna hear what you've been working on silly."

"oh, yeah." he nodded, forcing a giggle. his heart ached with guilt but he threw it away, pushed every thought about their leader to the back of his mind. "i can't do that stay~ you have to be patient!"

"ah hyung you're so mean," jisung scoffed, "i'll show you stay! i'll steal channie-hyung's laptop and show you!" the room was full of giggles as the leader scolded jisung, holding him back by the waist while he tried running out of the room.

once again, changbin's gaze was stuck on chan. the way his hands fit so perfectly around jisung's waist, would they fit around him that way too? his dimples were showing as couldn't help but laugh at the younger members antics, eyes full of love. a wave of sadness flood through the rapper, the feeling of guilt forming once again as the sickness filled his chest. why couldn't he just be happy with felix?

their gazes met, chan's smile not faltering as he tilted his head at changbin. it made his heart flutter, the simple action that he and felix must do at least ten times a day. changbin felt his boyfriend's hands snake around his neck, meeting to clasp together above his chest. chan's smile did falter then, pulling his gaze away to hyunjin who was currently speaking.

-

"sooo how are you and felix?" jisung asked with a sly grin, kicking his legs against the wall as he lay with his back on the bed in an 'L' shaped position.

"oh, good." changbin hummed, tapping his pen on the table as he read over his lyrics once again, spinning side to side casually as he sat on the desk chair. 

"just good? damn." the younger cursed.

"well yeah, what else would we be?" at this, the elder threw his pen on the table and ran his hands through his dark hair.

"i don't know," jisung sighed, spinning himself around so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed and facing changbin. "you just seem distant lately, i don't think he's noticed but me and a few others have. wanted to check in y'know?"

changbin nodded, a sigh escaping his lips as he threw his gaze towards the floor. "i think i just need to figure some things out right now, i don't think it's right if i talk to anyone. it needs to be me who sorts out my own thoughts."

"i see, you aren't wrong." the blond boy looked at him with sympathy filling his eyes, "you should talk to someone if you have a problem, though. especially felix."

"i can't ji, you don't get it." he sighed with frustration. "i don't even understand what's happening myself, how would i explain it to him? god, if i did it would absolutely kill him."

"bin," jisung slid off the bed and held the others hand for comfort. "you're worrying me, i can tell this is really bothering you. please talk to me."

changbin thought about it for a moment, aside from chan (who he couldn't confide with about this problem in particular for obvious reasons) jisung was the person he was closest to. "i think i like someone else, someone that isn't felix. i'm not even sure i do it's just.. i don't know." he clenched his fists before releasing them with a deep exhale.

jisung's mouth formed an 'o' shape, face softening with empathy. "can you tell me who? i won't tell, i promise."

the elder opened his mouth to speak, to reveal his deepest darkest secret but before he could the door of his dorm room opened, revealing chan. he felt his whole body stiffen, heart beat suddenly increasing as he squeezed jisung's hand by accident.

"yeah? please tell me binnie-hyung, i won't tell." jisung whined, seeing that changbin was on the verge of confessing his crush had peaked the curious boy's interest. 

"tell what? you keeping secrets binnie?" chan smirked at him, throwing the pile of papers he was carrying on his bed before joining jisung on the bed in front of changbin. somehow, he didn't question their hand holding.

"he- wait, i can't say can i?" jisung huffed, enjoying the secret a little too much for changbin's liking.

"no, you can't. if you do, i'll literally move out and start a new life in hawaii. or maybe i'll ask wooyoungie if ateez need a ninth member." he chuckled, the glint of fear clearly present.

"noooo! you can't leave us!" jisung whined, pouting.

"then don't tell anyone my secret, you don't even know who it is." changbin stuck his tongue out at the younger while chan sat there dumbfounded, watching the two younger members bicker.

"you were about to tell me! you have to tell me now, you can't leave me hanging."

"yes i can, just forget i said anything okay? it won't change anything anyway, i couldn't do that to him." changbin sighed, letting their hands fall apart and leaning back on the chair.

jisung looked at him with serious eyes, "that's not healthy bin-hyung. what about you? i know you-" the blond boy had clearly gotten lost in thought and forgotten that chan had joined them in the room, changbin threw his previously discarded pen at his head to shut him up.

"ow! sorry," he glanced at chan then back at changbin, "can we talk about this later though?"

changbin shook his head no, "please just forget it, okay?"

-

changbin watched with fond eyes as his boyfriend mixed the bowl of brownies in the kitchen with seungmin, the two playfully fighting about who's turn it was to mix.

felix was such an angel, how could he not feel the way he was supposed to towards him?

he caught eyes with the boy, smiling as felix giggled and shot him a wink. "binnie-hyung, come and help us!"

"i've got to finish this, i'm sorry baby." changbin pouted at felix as he apologised, gesturing to the laptop sat on the table in front of him.

"finish it later, i'm lonely!" the younger only whined, causing seungmin to gasp beside him and clutch his heart in fake pain.

"how dare you!" changbin only laughed as they started to play fight, threatening one another with various kitchen appliances and ingredients.

"fine!" he said finally, pulling off his headphones and standing from his seat, he pressed a few keys before closing the lid of the device and walking over to the pair, washing his hands at the sink as he got there.

"yay!" felix gasped with excitement, hugging his boyfriend from behind as changbin wiped his small hands on the kitchen towel. "you're the best."

the words made changbin's heart ache, not seconds ago was he having to shake the thoughts of chan's hands snaking around his stomach and his head resting sweetly in the crook of his neck in place of his boyfriend's current position. 

at that moment, said boy walked into the kitchen wearing a plain white button up and simple black skinny jeans. it wasn't anything special but even the bare minimum made changbin stop breathing for a moment, turning away before he could find himself staring once again.

"oh, lix? are you making brownies again?" chan smiled as he noticed the mixed bowel on the table, dimples showing and eyes shining at the younger australian.

"yup! changbinnie-hyung's helping me!" the elder let out a chuckle as he ruffled changbin's hair, felix still hugging him from behind as changbin out the towel away. butterflies erupted throughout his stomach as he felt his cheeks burn slightly, using the hand to shoo chan away.

the red head let out a chuckle, "cute."

it was a simple word, yet like the elders outfit that day, it had an unrealistically strong effect on the smaller boy. felix must call him variations of that same word every five minutes, yet somehow this time specifically made his face burn and heart flutter.

"binnie-hyung, i think it's ready for the oven now." felix removed his hands from the younger, who had to take a breath to try and calm himself. he took the bowl and walked it over to where the tray was, leaving the two elders alone.

"you wanna come to the studio tonight? it's been a while, i'd really like your input." he sighed, frowning slightly. "plus, jisung's starting to get annoying."

"wasn't he always annoying?" changbin chuckled, guilt forming in his gut as he realised it had been over two weeks since he'd joined the pair in their shared studio. ever since he'd noticed himself looking at chan differently he'd decided to lessen his visits, making various excuses. 

"always," the elder laughed along with changbin, "but i miss you there with us. jisung can't come today, something about video games and an important tournament. i don't know."

changbin swallowed hard, hoping his reaction wasn't as obvious as he thought, "that boy, always playing games instead of working."

"to be fair, he doesn't play anywhere near as many as lixie." the younger stiffened at the mention of his boyfriend, a sadness washing over him.

"that's true i suppose." chan, obviously feeling the slight change in mood, brushed off the subject.

"so you'll come yeah?" changbin wanted desperately to decline the offer, the thought of spending time alone with the person making him question his relationship didn't sit comfortably with him. the hopeful glint in chan's eyes only compelled him to agree, nodding his head before giving himself the chance to say no verbally.

"great! we'll leave here about nine? we've both been sleeping late anyway and i wanted to make sure all the kids are ready for bed before leaving." changbin's heart squeezed with love, knowing how much chan cared for the group only made him fall harder.

fall? he wasn't falling, he couldn't be.

he loved felix.

-

"We keep behind closed doors  
Every time I see you, I die a little more  
Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls  
It'll never be enough

It's obvious you're meant for me  
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly  
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep  
But I'll never show it on my face" 

(an: this song is secret love song by little mix ft jason derulo)

"these lyrics are... different? were you thinking of doing a slower song binnie?" chan's eyes drug across the paper held in his hands, lips drawn together in thought as he read further. 

"ah.." he chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck as chan looked up at him with a hint of empathy. "i was, if that's okay? i know our discography is mostly rougher songs but i couldn't help but write them differently this time." 

chan nodded, eyes scanning the handwritten lyrics again, "no, it's fine. a welcomed change, you have a rough melody in mind?" 

"yeah," the smaller reached over chan to fiddle with some of the keys on his laptop, finding the file whilst trying not to react to the closeness of the two of them. "here." 

the first ten seconds of the track played, a clearly unfinished beat pounding through the speakers of their soundproof studio. chan didn't falter his attention for even a split second, his focus remaining solely on the lyrics now placed steadily in his lap and his hands following them with a chorus of different beats and sounds. 

the sight made changbin's heart skip a beat, it wasn't even anything special yet it made him feel like he'd written something amazing. 

after replaying it more than a few times, chan looked up at changbin with a pretty smile and bright eyes. "this is gonna be so good, stay will love it." 

chan's smile looked so proud and full of love, causing an almost instant burning across his cheeks, feeling them heat up and turn a rosy pink colour. "i hope so." 

"they will, it's so well written binnie. what inspired you?" what was he supposed to say? the lyrics were altered for sure, trying his best to assure no one could tell that this was him venting emotions. venting about a love he could never have, a love he wasn't supposed to have. 

he couldn't admit the song was about chan. 

but he also couldn't bring himself to admit that the sweet words and the aching feeling of longing he'd written with so much of his heart weren't about felix. he'd written a love song that wasn't aimed at his boyfriend. 

"just something i thought of, no meaning really." it was glaringly obvious that the boy in front of him didn't believe a word he said, chan didn't mention it though. instead he nodded with a small smile, turning to the laptop and messing with some different sounds and patterns. 

they continued to work on the song together, a comfortable silence filling the room as the two men took it in turns to try out different things, experimenting for another hour with little communication. 

"binnie.." chan said out of the blue, his voice not much more than a whisper as his mouth shut tightly. "can you tell me what the song is really about? is it felix?"

the tone in his voice was hard to place, it wasn't sad but more- hurt? disapointed? changbin couldn't tell. "i.." his mouth grew dry as he swallowed hard, he couldn't lie. "no, it's not." 

chan was visibly relieved upon hearing this, a shaky sigh leaving his slightly chapped but still pretty red lips. changbin wanted to kiss them. 

"channie-hyung.." the younger started, eyes falling to the ground as he stopped himself from speaking further. there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to confess to and talk about but he couldn't. 

"bin, do you like me?" chan's words fell out of his mouth so easily, effortlessly, like he'd been waiting his whole life to ask them. changbin's blood ran cold, breath getting caught in his throught as he felt the elder's stare burn into the side of his head. 

"i.." he choked out, unsure what he was saying. "i can't, i do but i shouldn't." 

in his peripheral vison he could see chan nod, "that means you do, doesn't it?" 

"i do." he confessed, pulling his eyes up and letting them get caught in chan's chocolate ones. "but felix.. i can't do that to him." 

"i understand." 

"do you feel the same way?" changbin felt his heart thump in his ribcage, adrenaline building up and making his ears burn. 

chan nodded, "it's okay, i don't want to take you away from felix."

his words made changbin feel incredibly guilty. "let me talk, please don't interrupt until i'm done, okay?" chan nodded simply. 

"when i started dating felix half a year ago, it was like i was a teenager again. everything moved so fast and it was so fun, like those stupid crushes we all had when we were young. i thought i was in love with him, i really did. he was fun to be around, my best friend, we had so much chemistry."

"lately though, i've realised that it wasn't love. i wasn't in love with felix the way i thought i was. sure, i still love him to pieces but you made me realise what i was feeling wasn't love chan, it was a silly teenage crush that fizzled out months ago." 

when it felt like changbin had finished speaking, chan took his turn. "i think i understand what you mean, sort of. how did i have anything to do with it though?"

"you made me fall in love, slowly but surely. i didn't even notice until it was overwhelming. with felix, it was like he never quite made it but you? you own my heart, i didn't even have a choice." 

chan never took his eyes off the boy in front of him, listening intently to every word like it was the most important thing he'd ever heard. 

"god, i love you so much. but felix? i don't know what to do, i can't hurt him channie-hyung, i can't." changbin felt the hot tears roll down his cheeks before he had a chance to stop them. instead of wiping them himself though, chan cupped his cheek and used his thumb to rub them gently away. 

"it'll be okay bin," he smiled, eyes full of emotion. before chan could comprehend what was happening, changbin threw himself into chan's embrace- the older wrapping his arms around the boy he loved without hesitation. "it'll be okay." 

-

they didn't make their way home until early that morning, taking a nap cuddled together on the studio couch. by the time they arrived at the dorms, most of their members were already awake. the pair talked for hours after their initial confession, it would be a lie to say they hadn't had to remind each other that they couldn't go too far. 

they wanted to hold each other, so they did. they wanted to cuddle, so they did. they wanted to kiss, but they didn't. after all, changbin still had a boyfriend and neither one of them wanted him to cheat. 

sure, they confessed their love to one another and yeah, they cuddled but that didn't mean anything until changbin was single. as much as it hurt them, they were fully aware of it. 

"you two only just got back?" seungmin asked as he watched a video on his phone, chewing quietly on his granola. they nodded in unison. 

"i'm gonna shower and get ready, you should go after bin." chan nodded, walking off in the direction of the bathroom. 

"lix is still asleep by the way, he was up late playing games with jinnie-hyung." changbin hummed in response, thanking seungmin on his way to the bedroom he shared with jisung. 

he found jisung sat in his own bed, covers still wrapped around him as he'd only just woken up. that didn't stop him from staring down at the dimly lit phone screen in his hands though. 

"binni-hyung! it's chan-hyung!" the younger's eyes widened as he saw the elder enter the room with tired eyes and bad posture. 

"what?" changbin rubbed his temples with his index fingers, squeezing his eyes as he tried to push away the headache that was forming due to lack of proper sleep. 

"you like channie-hyung!" the younger seemed excited to finally figure it out, his eyes shining in the dim room. 

"jisung! shut up!" his eyes widened as he rushed over to the younger's bed and threw a hand over his mouth, jisung licked his hand in response. "ew! what the fuck?" 

"sorry," he giggled with a cheeky smile, "so it's true? cute!" 

"ji..." changbin sighed, falling onto the youngers bed. "it's not cute, what about lixie?"

"hmmm, that is a predicament. maybe just tell him how you feel so you can be happy with channie-hyung?" 

"you knew about his crush on me, didn't you?" changbin groaned, the younger only giggled in response with a cute, 'yep!' "i can't, what if it hurts him?"

"just go and talk to him, you won't know unless you do. he should be awake now, i heard him and jinnie-hyung talking a little while ago." the elder nodded, ruffling jisung's hair before pushing himself up off the bed and heading to his boyfriend's room. 

walking down the halls on gentle feet just in case they had fallen back asleep, changbin reached the room at the end of the hall to find that their door was only open a crack. 

"jinnie-hyung, what should i do?" he heard felix groan from inside just as he was about to open the door, stopping him in his tracks. changbin wasn't usually one to eavesdrop but he decided it wouldn't matter this one time. 

"i don't know bub, talk to him?" the pet name made changbin's heart drop to the pit of his stomach, hyunjin had never called him that before. talk to who?

"i can't! he might hate me, i don't want him to hate me." his boyfriend's words were sad, whiny even. 

"oh baby, i'm sure that won't happen. here." curiosity bubbled inside of the small boy as he peaked his head round the corner of the door, quickly running out almost instantly. 

they were kissing. 

-

without any thought, changbin ran straight to chan and jeongin's shared dorm, relief flooded through him as he found the elder red head sat cross-legged on his bed in fresh clothes. 

"oh binnie, what's wrong?" chan allowed the younger to fall into him, holding him close to his chest as changbin cried into him. 

"no talk, jus' cuddles right now, don't care about lix." he snivelled, finding chan's hand and interlacing their fingers. 

chan nodded, stroking his knuckles gently. 

it was nice for both of them, the simple act of being comfortable in one another's arms was so incredibly comforting. they'd been waiting for so long to do something so simple, it was almost euphoric.

"channie-hyung," he hummed, lifting his head up and looking chan in the eyes. "can you kiss me? please?" 

chan felt his heard squeeze, eyes widening as he replied, "you know we can't baby." 

"yes we can, don't care." chan still was quiet, contemplating the action. 

"felix kissed hyunjin, i saw them. please channie-hyung."

the action was slow at first, neither of them being confident enough to fully commit. yet, as soon as their lips touched it was as if a fire was ignited between the two of them and they fit so perfectly into one another. 

it was sweet, so sweet and as gentle as it could've been. months of longing finally being fulfilled as the two lovers moved in sync, slowly and softly. 

"i love you." the words were uttered as soon as the pair broke away moments later, glassy eyes staring at each other like they were the only two people in the world. they were all they needed. 

-

it took changbin about an hour to finally leave chan's room, the elder encouraging him to take a shower. although getting up and putting in the effort to shower was the last thing changbin wanted right now, he did it with the promise that he could choose any of chan's hoodies to wear that day. 

"god, you look so damn cute." chan cooed, pinching the younger's cheeks as changbin hid his face in the oversized hood. 

"shut up." chan only chuckled, taking his hands from his face and interlocking their fingers, planting a cute kiss in the tip of his red nose. 

with that, the leader pulled changbin out into the kitchen to get some breakfast, careful to unlock their hands once they were out of the bedroom. 

"finally! we thought you fell asleep or something," minho rolled his eyes, which was sweet in a minho way. "i made pancakes."

"thanks." chan smiled, ruffling the second eldest hair and earing a glare in response.

"oh my god." jisung wandered into the room with wide eyes and a happy smile, grinning at changbin who only turned around and ran further into the kitchen. 

"what?" minho questioned. 

"oh, nothing. chan-hyung, get me some pancakes." 

"you're right hyung, he is annoying!" changbin was heard from the kitchen, laughing at his own comment. something which chan found incredibly endearing. 

"oi!" 

not much later all of the boys were sat at the table with a helping of pancakes, jeongin and seungmin walking in and joining them. 

"binnie-hyung, isn't that channie-hyung's hoodie?" jeongin pointed out as he took a seat, locking his phone and staring at the younger with open eyes. 

"uhhh.." he coughed slightly, feeling his ears and cheeks burn and hiding hid face once again while covering his small hands with the sleeves. 

"he was cold." chan shrugged. 

"i'm telling lixie-hyung!" the mention of his name made changbin visibly shudder, causing the boy's lover to stroke his had kindly under the table out of sight. 

-

felix returned a few hours later with hyunjin, they had been shopping for grocery's since no one else wanted to go with them. 

"binnie! you're awake!" the chick like boy gushed, pulling him into a hug as he dropped the bags onto the table in the process. 

"yeah." he inhaled, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him. 

"you smell like chan-hyun." felix groaned, letting go of him and beginning to put the food away in the respective places.

"yeah." he replied again, not really knowing what to say.

"okay, something's up, spill." felix took the phone from his boyfriend's hands and tilted his chin so he was facing him. 

"felix.." he started, avoiding eye contact. "i think we should break up." 

the freckled boy inhaled sharply, "oh."

"i saw you with hyunjin this morning." felix's eyes widened but before he could speak changbin interrupted him. "i'm not mad or anything, a little hurt but it's fine. to be honest, i like someone else too." 

felix nodded slowly, "you do? oh.." his eyes wandered down to the hoodie covering his small body. 

"yeah, i'm sorry lix." 

"no, i'm sorry. i should've said something sooner, we.. we can still be friends right?" he started to tear up before changbin pulled him into a hug. 

"only if you're comfortable with that, i love you, just not in the way i should've." 

"not in the way you love chan." 

"..yeah." 

"i understand, i still have feelings for you. i also have feeling's for hyunjin, i would like to try and be with him if that's okay?" 

"of course, why wouldn't it be?" changbin frowned slightly, not wanting felix to feel as if he was trapped. 

"i don't know... bin-hyung," he started, looking at the elder. "it'll take me some time to get over you but please don't leave me, please be my friend. please wait for me."

"of course, changlix may have sunk but that doesn't mean we can't be besties when you're ready!" he smiled at felix who mirrored his actions. 

"does.. does chan-hyung make you happy?" 

"very, that doesn't mean you didn't though. we're soulmates, just platonic ones." felix nodded in response. 

"as long as he makes you happy i'll be okay, i'll fight him otherwise." 

"no you won't."

"no i won't" they chuckled, hugging once again. 

-

"channie-hyung!" changbin called, running up to the elder who was currently working in the studio. he wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him from behind. "i broke up with felix, we're gonna be friends instead!" 

chan chuckled, finding the contrast of his words compared to his actions funny. "that's great love."

changbin pouted, forcing chan to spin around in his chair so he could climb into his lap. he took in chan's pretty features before placing his hands on either side of his cheeksm pulling him into a kiss. 

it was quick and full of love.

they pulled apart, chan's eyes glossing over changbin's face before the younger spoke again. "you were supposed to ask to be my boyfriend!" he whined. 

chan laughed sweetly, "wasn't sure if you were ready just yet bubs, you wanna be my boyfriend?"

"oh my god yes, fucking finally!"


End file.
